Almost
by wordshaker
Summary: On a warm summer day, Severus tries to do the thing he wants most...


The last week of Hogwarts was always such a bittersweet time. People decided on classes, decided on _jobs_, and said their final farewells. The weather was hot and sunny, which cheered people up somewhat, though it didn't completely lift their spirits. 

It wasn't completely cheering Severus Snape up, but it had an effect on his best friend, Lily Evans. They sat together at the edge of the lake, dangling their pale feet in the cool, clear water. The air buzzed with bees feasting in the nearby trees; scents of blossoms pervaded everyone's noses. The sky overhead was cloudless, a bright blue and the deep green of the trees. 

"We'll be fourth years next year, Sev!" Lily said excitedly. She broke out into a wide smile, showing off her newly brace-free teeth. She had finally been able to get them off at Easter Break, and was still enthralled by the lack of metal in her mouth. Her long red hair was up in a ponytail, trying in vain to cool off her neck. 

"And the year after will be O.W.L.s," remarked Severus, ruffling the grass beside him. 

"What are you worrying about them for? You know you'll pass everything. You've never failed anything!" Lily rolled her eyes, though she still smiled. 

"You never know. I hear that a lot of people start to drop that year." 

"That's probably just some of the older people trying to scare you." Lily pursed her lips. Snape knew that she disapproved, to put it lightly, of the people in his house. But what else was he supposed to do? Be a leper (which he already nearly was) without the company of anyone besides her? Some of the older kids looked for help on their homework, or even just to talk and be in his company, which was something incredibly new for him. 

"But what are we even talking about this for? It's two whole years away!" Lily giggled. 

"You're right." Severus sighed and tilted his head up to the sky. Squinting, he said, "It's nice today." 

She flopped down on the grass, spreading her arms out like an angel. The grass was long and lusciously green. It smelled like summer. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to store it away in her mind before she had to leave. 

"It is. I wish it would stay like this all year. It's never this lovely at home." Lily breathed in again, relishing in the scent of the outdoors. 

Severus stiffened as she mentioned home. It was not a good place for him – he barely counted it was home. Hogwarts was higher up on the list, not that small, dank place where his other cried every night and he had to look at her bruises every morning. This was home, where the grass was green, the sky was blue, and Lily was there every day. 

"Will I be able to see you this summer?" he asked, trying to seem nonchalant. 

"I don't think we're taking any trips this summer, so probably yes. We'll have avoid Petunia, of course. I don't think she's taken yo you very well," mused Lily.

"I doubt she ever will," said Severus. 

Lily laughed again and Severus laughed along with her this time. He loved Lily's laugh. He loved everything about her, really, but her laugh was one of his favorite things about her. It was so easy and carefree, like she hadn't a worry in the world. Severus knew his laugh was nothing like hers, and perhaps that was why he loved it so much. He turned his head to look at her. Every time he looked at her, really looked at her, he was stunned by the beauty she seemed to have. It was as if a light shone in her from within, coming out of every pore in her body. He wished he could save that light for only himself. He wanted to keep it from all others. 

As they laid in silence, Severus felt an urge to kiss her. _Do it,_ his mind ordered him, _kiss her._ He wanted so badly to stroke her cheek, to take her hands and kiss her. 

_Go ahead; kiss her._

He was nearly overcome with these feelings. But there was always a doubt in his mind, a _but what if…_ still there, even as he felt he had to do something. 

"Lily?" He spoke softly, tentatively, his heart pounding as though it would come out of his chest. 

_Kiss her, kiss her._

It was like a chant now. It ran through his head over and over again. He could picture the kiss in his mind, how it would happen, her happy smile and her joyful laugh after. 

"What is it?" she asked, her eyes closed. _It would be perfect now,_ he told himself. He shifted closer to her, hovering over her body. His heart was still beating as fast as a hummingbird's wings. 

"Can – can I – " he stuttered, feeling blood rush up to his face. _Asking will only make it worse._

"What?" Lily opened her eyes and stared at him. 

"I mean – " He had to do it. He _had _to. But what if… "Do – do you have the time?" 

Lily laughed once more and sat up. "You know I never wear a watch. But I bet we should head back." She stood up, brushing grass off of her clothes. "Coming?" 

"Sure." 

He stood up and followed her. His heart was like a stone now, no longer beating quickly. It almost felt like it wasn't beating at all. 

_Coward. _

_I know. _


End file.
